


Charioteer of the patient year

by Selena



Category: Amores - Ovid, Ancient Greek Religion & Lore
Genre: F/M, M/M, Mortality, Oh My God, Undercover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:07:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25073620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Selena/pseuds/Selena
Summary: How Admetus fell for a gorgeous herdsman, got a helpful and occasionally troublesome god into the bargain and did his level best to avoid a Greek tragedy despite everyone else around him being set on experiencing one.
Relationships: Admetus of Pherae/Apollo (Ancient Greek Religion & Lore)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 26
Collections: Rare Male Slash Exchange 2020





	Charioteer of the patient year

**Author's Note:**

  * For [havisham](https://archiveofourown.org/users/havisham/gifts).



> **Warnings** : various gruesome mythological events are being referred to but happen off stage. 
> 
> **Author's note:** Thanks to my lovely beta Kathy.

When they told Admetus the new herdsman was trouble, but would not explain why, he decided to see for himself. He had not been a king for long; his father, the founder of their city, had only just decided that he wished to have a peaceful old age without the burden of ruling a few months ago. As a result, Admetus took his responsibilities more than seriously. Theirs was a new kingdom, which had not existed before his father had founded the city, and their family had a history of driving out idle princes. Admetus, who for all his youth did not wish to live his father’s early life as an exile, had decided to prove himself by regarding no task beneath him, including the supervision of cattle and herdsmen.

The man in question turned out to be gorgeous to look at, which explained why the steward, whose job it was to choose the people supposed to care for the royal cattle, had hired him, because you could tell at first glance there was little else to qualify him. Apparently, he had refused to clean the stables, considering it beneath him, and he had already started an argument with another herdsman who had simply played the flute to while away the long hours looking after their flock. The new arrival, it seemed, had a strict preference for lyres and wasn’t shy of making it known, if that was what you called grabbing the other man’s flute and smashing it against the next rock.

„Now look here,“ Admetus began, and the new herdsman did, indeed, look. He had extraordinary eyes, winedark as the sea, and a mouth with a pouting lower lip that just asked to be bitten. You could sharpen your sword on those cheekbones. His hair resembled the molten gold just before a good craftsman put a gem into it to create jewelry.

He was also not just unrepentant, but angry, and not just angry, but very vocal about it.

„I will not be treated in this manner“, he raged.

Watching him, Admetus was struck by an odd sense of familiarity, and after a moment, he had it; his father, Pheres, in Admetus‘ earliest years, when Pheres had been a wandering exile driven away by his greedy brother Pelias, before new riches and new dignity had been gained. It was this realisation that caused Admetus to ask, instead of simply dismissing the unruly herdsman: „How, friend, were you treated?“

Evidently, the herdsman had been expecting a dressing down and had been itching for a fight. Admetus‘ words wrong-footed him. He frowned, swallowed and then said: „I am not used to herding cattle.“

„This much is evident“, Admetus said mildly. „And yet you asked for this very task, if my man here is to be believed. If there is one more congenial to your nature, why not ask for that? As you feel so strongly about music, let me point out there is always room for a good bard at the king’s hearth. Your arms and and fingers are those of a bowman, and indeed, a warrior too is welcome to join our ranks.“

Until this moment, the herdsman had seemed to be of an age with Admetus, a young man. But now, a ripple went through him, and there was a sense of something old and bitter in his voice when he replied: „Because this service is to be my punishment. For me to enjoy it would be beside the point.“

If the city of Pherae had been at war with another city, and this man had been a captive, his words would make sense. But no such war had happened, and the steward looked as if this was news to him as well. He probably really had not thought beyond his loins when hiring this man, and not asked about his background at all.

„Well, as ruler of Pherae, the dealing out of punishments and rewards should be done by me, and so, stranger, I would like to know what your fault was to begin with, and how service in my realm qualified as punishment, and to whom, for truly, I was not aware that we have such a dire reputation“, Admetus retorted, intrigued but unable to refrain from a little sarcasm. „Why, foolish ruler that I am, I always thought that by taking men into my service, I was rewarding them.“

The corners of the stranger’s mouth twitched at that, but his voice remained serious as he answered. „This punishment was decreed by my father, and thus I have to follow it. Though I will say I did not expect to find such a gracious lord to work for. As for what I deserve: as you ask, I must tell you, my lord, that I slew those who forged the tools that slew my son.“

The authority of fathers was absolute, and Admetus believed this part of the explanation. But even if his first impression of the herdsman’s age had been mistaken, he surely could not be old enough to have a son slain in battle. Unless, of course, that slain son had been a child, but if the stranger had been avenging a murdered child, why should his father have wished to punish him at all? Admetus raised a sceptical eyebrow, but then he caught the stranger’s gaze again. There was a sense of grief there that was wild and unending.

„If that is so, why did you not take vengeance on the one who slew your son?“ Admetus asked.

„Because“, the herdsman answered softly, „that one was my father as well.“

By now, this had stopped being amusing and intriguing and had become a tale to break the heart. It wasn’t impossible that the man was lying, of course, but Admetus thought that a man callous enough to invent such a story would not have done so to become a herdsman, would rather have used the opening Admetus had given him and asked for a position as warrior or bard. No, this was truth, and he could not imagine such grief.

„Then I welcome you to my service“, Admetus said, „and hope you will find some peace here and not punishment. I would ask your name.“

„Lykeios“, the stranger replied after a moment of hesitation.

„The protector from wolves, now that is a good name for a herdsman. Well, Lykeios, if you manage to direct your ire towards wolves and not my other herdsmen, I would be most obliged. As I believe that a king should lead through good example, I shall spend a day and a night with you and another herdsman, guarding my cattle. Let us see who can learn more of a herdsman’s task in that time, and which of us manages to be most patient with the other’s faults.“

The steward looked half relieved, half disappointed, for whether he had wanted Lykeios to stay or be dismissed, he had to realise that any designs he might have had on demanding some service of his own in exchange for letting Lykeios stay had just been made redundant. Lykeios, on the other hand, regarded Admetus intently, and said: „I shall try.“

Considering Admetus, as a boy, had gone with the shepherds and cattle drivers more than once, he wasn’t entirely unfamiliar with their duties. It turned out that as long as he reigned in his hair trigger temper, Lykeios was actually good with animals, who seemed to trust him quickly, and the key to getting him to keep his temper was to remain unfailingly polite; this effectively disarmed him, which was something he had in common with Admetus‘ younger siblings when they threw temper tantrums as toddlers. Quite different from the tantrums, however, was the way he killed, which he did when there was a fox who came close to the youngest calves. Lykeios used the bow and arrow that actually belonged to Admetus with a dazzling quickness and fluid motion that left you blinking and wondering whether you had dreamt it, if not for the dead fox.

„It wouldn’t have dared to go up against those hooves anyway“, the other herdsman muttered.

Lykeios did not mention his son again, but at night, he sang in a language Admetus did not understand, and the moon itself seemed to be coloured red as if in sympathy for the searing pain that dripped from the song.

„I miss my sister“, Lykeios said, once he was finished, apropos of nothing. „And yet I am glad she had no part in my revenge, for she could not have borne this exile.“

„Probably couldn’t bear your company, either“, the other herdsman muttered, who still hadn’t got over his smashed flute.

Admetus intervened before it could go further „None of that. Lykeios, as my own father and mother, and myself in my early years were exiles, I am not speaking without knowledge when I tell you that it is possible to make a new home. Nothing can give us back those who died, this is true. But we may love again.“

Before he finished speaking, he knew he’d made a mistake. Lykeios might have accepted these words from Admetus‘ father or someone of that age, but in some regards, Admetus was simply too young to pull off wise advice.

„Have you ever lost someone to death?“ Lykeios asked sharply. This, Admetus had to deny. He was fortunate in this regard. His parents were both still alive, as were all of his younger siblings, and even the friends he’d made growing up. After this admission, he expected Lykeios to ridicule his earlier advice, but the herdsman said something else altogether.

„And yet, you know you might at any moment, and that each of your own heartbeats brings you closer to death. It never ceases to amaze me that knowing this, mortals do not spend each moment fucking each other, when this is the one moment they can feel like the immortals do.“

Well, here was an interesting turn to the conversation. The sparks of the campfire seemed to join the molten gold of Lykeios‘ hair. He’d leaned backwards, was resting on his elbows, and you could see the hollow of his throat.

„That is assuming the Olympians are any good at it“, Admetus jested. „Given how often they seek mortals out instead of sticking to their own, I dare to doubt it. All of my family’s troubles started when mighty Poseidon fell in love with my grandmother, and produced my half uncle, who promptly wanted all of Iolcus to himself and drove my father and his brothers away.“

„Such impudence. People have suffered terrible punishment for less“, Lykeios said, and his eyes were pools of darkness in his bright face.

„So I have heard, and I believe it. But I would hope that any immortal feeling offended would, instead of smiting me, show me the error of my ways by demonstrating their divine skills, for I would rather admire and live than serve as an example in the underworld where all the people I could praise the god in question to are already dead as well, and can no longer sacrifice and pray.“

Lykeios laughed, and there was something charming about the whole heartedness of it, as if the grief and anger from earlier had disappeared entirely into thin air. „Be careful what you wish, King Admetus, for you might get it.“

They ended up spending the rest of the night together after the other herdsman, grumbling, had declared he knew when he was not wanted, and that there was a cow that needed looking after. Lykeios did indeed have a mouth made for plunder, and a couple of other things, too. Admetus had not lain with many people, admittedly, though he hoped that what he lacked in skill he made up for in enthusiasm. At some point, he thought sex with Lykeios felt like falling into a melody and becoming one with the music.

„So when did you know?“ Lykeios asked later.

„That your original plan was to pretend to be a god in order to take advantage of my hospitality? Quite early on. But my dear, it is not necessary. Whether you are another prince in exile or the son of a herdsman, which I doubt; whether you want to continue with the cattle or choose another occupation, you are most welcome here, and I do hope you’ll make another home in Pherae. Or at least be happy in what time you’re spending here, for one thing I believe you’ve been entirely truthful about is that you have lost your son in a cruel way, and no one should bear such grief alone.“

Lykeios, who’d lain under him just then, rolled Admetus on his back. „Admetus son of Pheres“, he whispered, „you are a strange creature. I cannot say whether you are foolish or wise, but I do believe you are kind. This is… something new to me , and not many things are. Very well. I shall try to live with you as any human would.“

„Including getting along with my other herdsmen at least enough not to pick a fight with them every time they annoy you, I hope“, Admetus retorted. „Come to me instead. There are far more enjoyable ways to release one’s temper.“

* * *

As it turned out, the cattle did indeed thrive now that Lykeios was actually trying. Not only did thieves find themselves foiled, but the cows and bulls were remarkably healthy, and the lack of disease seemed to make the heifers additionally fertile, because in the first year Lykeieos served Admetus, they bore twin calves. All of them. When this happened in the second year as well, the other principalities in Thessaly began to take notice. In the third year, Admetus found himself invited by his bastard uncle Pelias to Iolcus, the very kingdom Pelias had driven all his other brothers out of.

„You must not go!“ Admetus‘ father Pheres declared, upset. „He will trick you and lure you into a cave, as he did with Aeson. And then he’ll come here and take Pherae as well!“

Aeson was the oldest brother, the one who should have become King of Iolcus, if not for Pelias.

„This might very well be his intent“, Admetus replied, „but on the other hand, I hear he has a lot of daughters. Maybe it is his wish to unite our kingdoms in a more peaceful way, and end this family feud. However, you must not fret. I shall not go alone. I’ll take Lykeios with me.“

Considering Lykeios‘ way of dealing with cattle thieves had at first involved shooting them with a single always lethal arrow in their hearts, before Admetus had persuaded him to go for an arrow in the heel instead, and considering he regularly bested all the other warriors when they practiced in the yard, this somewhat reassured Pheres.

„Do you really believe your uncle has mended his ways?“ Lykeios asked curiously as they set out for Iolcus.

„I think he wants to have fertile heifers as well, at the very least. Maybe he does wish me ill. But you see, he could have killed all his brothers, and he did not, when he robbed them of Iolcus. So there just might be a chance I can talk him into a family reconciliation instead.“

Lykeios gave him an odd look. „Reconciliation? You do not wish to take Iolcus back?“

„I hardly remember Iolcus. Pherae is my home. Also, even if Pelias had not made himself King there, I would not rule, for my father is not the oldest brother. That was Aeson. My cousin Jason would be the rightful heir, if he wishes to make that claim, and if he does, I would be honour-bound to support him. But I like my idea of reconciliation by marriage far better.“

„A man could feel slighted by such eagerness to replace him in your bed“, Lykeios said archly.

Admetus beamed at him. „A man could, if he didn’t know you. You are irreplaceable.“

It wasn’t just a compliment; he meant it. He was fairly certain he would never lose his affection and desire for Lykeios, and equally certain Lykeios would one day leave him. How could he not? Admetus had a reasonably good opinion of himself, but he’d be the first to admit that his kingdom was one of the smallest in Greece, and his appearance, while pleasing, hardly a match to Lykeios‘ beauty.

Pelias, as it turned out, was a crafty old fox who was all smiling benevolence and exclamations of „dear nephew!“ while clandestinely checking out Admetus and his companions for their weaponry. When his gaze came to rest on Lykeios, he first got an appreciative look in his eyes, the old goat, but then he grew pale, and barely covered this up with a cough.

His daughters were not yet present at the welcoming feast. As it turned out, the first thing Pelias wanted to know was whether Admetus had been in contact with his cousin Jason.

Apparently , the oracle of Delphi, when asked whether or not Jason would dethrone Pelias, had given an even more cryptic reply than usual and said Jason would be Pelias‘ doom but only through the hands of those even closer in blood to Pelias than Jason was. Consequently, Pelias tried to ensure there were no family alliances made against him.

„Especially“, he confessed, „one involving you, nephew, since there’s been proof these past years that you are favoured by the Gods.“

„Well, uncle, to me it seems the most sensible thing for you to do under such circumstances would be to make such an alliance yourself, and reconcile with everyone close to you by blood.“

„Or I could just kill them all“, Pelias said coldly.

Admetus‘ heart pounded, but he managed to remain calm. „You could, which would make the Gods even unhappier with you. Seeing as I have, as you put it, been favoured by their grace. Or you could try to share that grace.“

Pelias gave him a long look, and said: „Well, if any gods want to favour one of my daughters the way my mother was favoured by glorious father Poseidon, they’d be most welcome. Mortal suitors, however, need not apply. I have a son, and he shall inherit this kingdom without any interfering brothers-in-law.“

„Why not kill him now?“ Lykeios asked when they withdrew to the room Pelias had assigned to them. „I can do it for you if you wish to avoid the curse of kinslaying. That man will only get more entranced with his own power with every year that passes.“

„For one thing, he’s my host in addition to being my uncle“, Admetus said, shocked despite the fact he should be used to Lykeios‘ ruthless side by now, and telling himself that Lykeios was bound to have a warped view on murdering one’s relations, given what his father had done to his son. „For another, how would this end the family feud? It would just put my cousins at my throat some years later. I wish to make things better, not worse.“

Lykeios put a hand on Admetus‘ neck and sighed. „You are frustratingly right-minded, and how I shall keep you alive when…“

At this point, they were interrupted by a young woman dressed as a servant but without a servant’s rough hands, who ran after them. She had a wide mouth, an easy smile, and dark, piercing eyes.

„King Admetus“, she said, „I heard how you spoke in the Great Hall. I, too, wish to end the feud between kin, and I do believe we have to act for ourselves rather than excuse our inaction by waiting for the gods. If you are willing, brave and true, I think we might do so together.“

This was how Admetus met his cousin Alcestis, the daughter of Pelias, who’d disguised herself in her maid’s clothing to attend the big feast. Later, much later, he remembered it as falling in love with her then and there, though at the time he probably felt only relief and great curiosity, and the love came later with the years. But what he also remembered was the way Lykeios looked at her. It was not with anger or jealousy. Nor was it with desire, which it could have been, for Alcestis was pretty, and Lykeios, for all that he’d been the companion of Admetus‘ heart these last few years, was by no means immune to noticing beauty in other beings. But no. There was an odd mixture in Lykeios‘ gaze; relief, admiration, and a great sadness.

„I think you understood me the first time“, Pelias said, when Admetus formally proposed for Alcestis‘ hand. „My daughters – any of my daughters, but especially my oldest – are morsels only fit to be tasted by gods. To that end, I decree that any suitor hoping for her hand must yoke a boar and a lion to a chariot. Any mortal is welcome to try and thus rid me of his presence.“

  
„Even if I did not like you as much as I do“, Lykeios later commented, „I’d say that man deserves punishment for his arrogance alone. Don’t worry about a thing.“

„I know you’re good with animals, but a lion and a boar?“ Admetus said dubiously. „I’ll find another way to get married that doesn’t entail you getting mangled by wild animals, thank you very much.“

Lykeios put his hands on Admetus‘ shoulders „Is it not time for you to admit you know exactly who I am?“ he asked softly. „Admetus, you are a smart man. You must have figured out I was never pretending to be a god eons ago.“

His eyes were still the colour of the sea just after sunset, and it would have been easy to lose oneself in them forever. Admetus sighed.

„My dear“, he said, „I do know who you are. I also know what happens to those loved by the gods, my grandmother being a case in point. They tend to end up dead, insane or transformed into another creature altogether. And I do wish to live. Most importantly, though, I think that while a god deserves worship, it is not possible for us mere mortals to love them the way we love each other. We are too small for this, and they are too great. And I do love you, oh friend of my heart, so allow me to state it cannot be that you are other than a man.“

In the stillness that followed he had ample time to reflect on each of the stories he’d heard, and to wonder how life as a plant would be, or what kind of animal he would end up as. He just hoped it would not be a snail. Snails were disgusting. But he did not retract his words, for he had long since decided that he could either worship a god or love a man, but not both at the same time.

Lykeios moved his right hand from Admetus‘ shoulder and trailed the outlines of his face with his fingers. They were very warm. But they did not burn.

„Truly, my punishment was well chosen. Very well. I am a man, and one who can speak to both lion and boar. Just be careful whom you let close to that chariot.“

Thus it came to be that Admetus of Pherae drove a chariot drawn by a lion and a boar to the palace of Pelias, King of Iolcus, who was much displeased but could not go back on his word, and granted his oldest daughter Alcestis to Admetus in marriage. As a final parting gift, he filled the bridal chamber with snakes and pretended they’d come from Artemis. At least Admetus thought Pelias was a more likely origin for the snakes, which ensured that Alcestis and he ended up consummating their marriage beneath the stars on a nearby hilltop instead while Lykeios got rid of the serpents in the marriage bed.

„He is _really_ good with animals“, Admetus assured Alcestis while helping her to remove her red bridal veil. „There won’t be a single snake left.“

„I shall sacrifice to Artemis just in case“, she said. „I’d rather not have the gods angry with us. My father I can deal with.“

* * *

They had a few happy years together, during which Lykeios continued to be Admetus‘ most trusted companion, and the kingdom of Pherae flourished. Then Admetus‘ cousin Jason showed up, hoping to persuade him into joining a war to take Iolcus from Pelias.

„It did not escape your notice, surely, that I am married to Pelias‘ daughter.“

„Are you saying that you are willing to leave that thief on the throne?“ Jason asked indignantly. „After our fathers swore sacred oaths to come to each other’s aid when aid was asked for?“

„No, cousin“, Admetus replied, „I’m saying that the fact I’m married to Alcestis proves that Pelias can be talked into bargains. Granted, he has to believe there’s no way he’ll have to deliver, but if he has to, deliver he will. If you want to rule Iolcus, a solution that doesn’t involve making war against Iolcus and killing a part of its population first seems to me much more preferable. Try to trick him into such a bargain, cousin, and I shall be at your side, as our fathers swore.“

Which was how Admetus ended up as one of the Argonauts, for the bargain Jason talked Pelias into was Pelias demanding of him the retrieval of the golden fleece in far away Colchis.

  
„Alcestis shall be regent in my absence“, Admetus told Lykeios. „If you would look after the kingdom with her, I’d be most grateful. Alternatively, if you choose to join me on this quest, I’d be downright ecstatic, but do promise not to get into fights with Hercules if you do. I’ve only just met him, but I can tell he has a temper to rival yours.“

„Alas, I shall do neither“, Lykeios replied. This was unexpected. Admetus blinked.

„It’s been nine years to the day that I entered your service, Admetus“, Lykeios said. „And that was my decreed punishment for killing the Cyclopes who created the lightning bolts for mighty Zeus with which he slew my son Asclepius.“

He would not be talked into pretending mortality anymore, Admetus could see that. While he’d known this day would come, sooner or later, he still gasped, for the sorrow that rose in his heart at the prospect of not seeing Lykeios again rolled like a tidal wave from the ocean and would not be stopped.

„I hoped you would not see it as a punishment anymore“, he said softly. „Is it truly such a harsh fate, living as a man? The Gods have all the time in the world. Can you not add a few years more and stay with me?“

Lykeios regarded him, and the world around them seemed to fade into white.

„Admetus“, he at last replied, „I have already remained far too long. Far too long. I used to take whatever I wanted, and if it was refused, I punished the rejection. That is a god’s way. Now, I can hear your insidious common sense protesting „let us think about this“ whenever I wish to vent my anger, and your absurd little hovel seems to hold more charm than the lofty heights of Olympus. That is a human way of thinking and feeling, and I am not human. I need to feel like a god again and be among my own.“

„Your own, like the father who kills his grandson for some unfathomable reason and has no love for you that made him hold his hand?“ Admetus retorted before he could stop himself. Lykeios‘ eyebrows drew together.

„It is not for men to judge the gods. Not even for you“, he said, and for the first time in a long, long while, there was a threat in his voice. Admetus felt shivers run down his body, but he did not lower his gaze. Instead, he changed tactics.

„I shall miss you“, he said sadly. „And I do not think it will help in this regard that I could offer prayers in your honour.“

Lykeios did not answer. Instead, he kissed Admetus, fiercely, and the stillness around them, which had been that of a quivering bow, turned into a harp string pulled but not yet plucked. It made you yearn for the release of sound without dreading it at the same time, as the draw of the bowstring did, and all in Admetus gathered for this release. But when he opened his eyes again, he was alone.

* * *

The story of the Argonauts and their journey to Colchis has been sung elsewhere. Admetus was among those who did not die or choose to leave, but took part in the entire quest, and returned with Jason, Medea and the fleece to Iolcus, where Pelias promptly tried to weasel out of the deal. „Give him a while to adjust to the idea“, Admetus advised. „I will offer to let him spend his old age at my court with his grandchildren, if that helps.“

Jason agreed a bit too readily. The next day, the palace of Iolcus woke crimson with blood and to the sound of unearthly cries. Alcestis‘ younger sisters had been persuaded by Medea to cut their father Pelias into pieces, supposedly because Medea had promised that throwing these pieces into a cauldron with a potion she had prepared and given to Admetus‘ sisters-in-law would rejuvenate Pelias.

„I knew nothing about this“, Jason swore, but none of the remaining Argonauts believed him, Admetus included, because they had all watched how Jason let Medea remove all obstacles for him on their quest, including her own brother. „But I am the true heir“, he protested, when he saw his comrades turning against him, and Admetus retorted in disgust: „No. I will support Pelias‘ son over you. And if you murder him as well, then I’ll take the throne myself before I let you sit on it, cousin. We could have had peace, we could have had reconciliation, and you chose a slaughterhouse.“

Jason and Medea fled, Pelias‘ son Acastus became King, and Admetus took his sisters-in-law with him to Pherae and from there to Delphi, in the hopes that the Oracle might tell him how they could find atonement and peace, so that neither their brother nor their sister, his wife Alcestis, would have to follow the rules of a blood feud and kill them in turn.

„Husband“, Alcestis said, „if I had no other reason to love you, I would love you for this.“

She had grown into her own in his absence, a ruling Queen, and looking at their children, Admetus was more determined than ever that they would not be burdened with a renewed feud. Compassion and common sense could still win the day.

The Oracle gave his dazed and numb sisters-in-law tasks to cleanse themselves. Then it addressed Admetus, and her voice changed. From the half singing, half declaiming voice of a woman it became that of a man, and a man he remembered all too well. It seemed to echo from all the mountains around them.

„Admetus, Admetus“, the voice said, „I missed you, and I cannot bear the thought that you, too, shall be gone in such a short while, gone to Hades where none of us Olympians can enter. If I find a way to prolong your life on this earth, will you accept it?“

Admetus had had just about enough of death, and had seen far too much of it lately. He would have nightmares about all the ways a human body could be torn apart for a long, long time. And so he made his fatal mistake.

„Yes“, he said, yes!“

The Oracle was silent. His sisters-in-law having become new priestesses of Apollo in Delphi, Admetus returned to Pherae to finally reunite with Alcestis for good, and live out that long life without the shadow of death which his divine lover had promised. He believed this happiness to be his until the news came from Delphi: Apollo himself had bargained with the three Fates into prolonging Admetus‘ life span, provided, that was, that someone else took Admetus‘ death upon themselves and died for him.

This story, too, has been told elsewhere: the story of Alcestis, who, when Admetus‘ father and mother and all others at Pherae had refused, chose to die for her husband so that he might live, and who was brought back from the underworld by Hercules, who’d come to visit his shipmate from the Argo and discovered what had happened. Hercules, the son of a god and a mortal woman, fought Death for the sake of Alcestis and Admetus and won. But when he had departed, and Alcestis was with her children who’d gone through the horror of losing, burying and regaining her, Admetus went to the hilltop where once upon a time he’d first made love to a man he’d known as Lykeios, and screamed to the stars.

„Why?“ he asked. „Why?“

The night around him shimmered and drew together. And there he was again, Apollo Lykeios, protector of herds, and in the garb of a herdsman but with the light of stars in his eyes, and nothing about him human.

„I told you“, he said, „I cannot bear the thought of you gone. And you did give me permission.“

„Are you sure it was not a cruel game to entertain yourself and to show me that truly, I had no right to judge anyone, let alone the gods?“ Admetus asked bitterly. „For all it did was to reveal to me my monstrous selfishness. How can I live with my elderly parents now, knowing I was capable of asking them to die for me, and that they refused? How can I ever be worthy of Alcestis who did die for me? And yet, how can I do other than live without throwing her sacrifice back into her face? We were happy, you know. Despite all the madness elsewhere, we in Pherae were happy, my parents, Alcestis, the children and I. I missed you, but it was a gentle pain, soothed by knowing you were somewhere, watching out for me. I knew I was no hero to sing songs about, but I thought I hadn’t done too badly for myself. Alright, perhaps I was even a bit smug. But I don’t think I had done anything to warrant such a punishment.“

„When you came to my Oracle at Delphi“, Apollo Lykeios said, „did you not read the commandment there which all visitors must follow? ‚Know yourself.‘ It is the hardest task. But Admetus, you of all men I did consider able to handle it. As to what you did, it was the same thing that made me stay with you for nine years and then leave. You were a kind and clever man who made me love him, and then you were able to live without me. And so I wished you both to live and prosper, and to be thoroughly shaken in your sensible happiness. To feel loss and devastation, and the desire that makes a god a god, and not a man. To live at all costs. Why do you think we immortals continue instead of seeking oblivion? It is this.“

Despite all the misery that Admetus felt and had been feeling since the first time he had heard how he could avoid his death, this declaration startled him into exclaiming: „Do you mean this was all another long term temper tantrum because I didn’t fling myself from the rooftops in order to prevent you from leaving?“

Apollo Lykeios stared at him, and something of his inhuman beauty faded, until he was still startlingly handsome, but in the way the herdsman Admetus had first met had been, in a human way. He sounded just as cross as he’d done then when he repeated in disbelief: „Temper tantrum?“

„Well, you _are_ the moodiest creature I ever met, and that includes the harpies“, Admetus said defensively. „But if you had wanted me to protest even more strongly at your departure, you shouldn’t have rejected all the protests I did make with your ‚I am a god and need to be among my own‘ pronouncements. If you think I didn’t miss you just because I managed to get along without you, pray consider that surviving harpies and dragons and my cousin Jason while travelling on the Argo was quite the distraction. And as soon as we were home again, my sisters-in-law were fooled into committing patricide. I had to take care of them then. There just wasn’t any time for brooding!“

It was possible that Admetus was mistaken in the moonlight, but he thought Apollo Lykeios for a heartbeat looked downright embarrassed.

„This may all be true“, the god admitted, „but Admetus, you would have died soon if I had not interfered. Your life span really was about to end when I got the Fates drunk and talked them into offering you a trade. That I had more than one reason for it does not change this fact.“ Softly, he added: „And I still cannot bear the thought of it.“

There was a lot Admetus could have said to this, starting with „did you not listen to how wanting to live at all costs shamed me, destroyed my relationship with my parents and made me realise how much better a person my wife is?“ But the strange thing was that arguing here with Apollo Lykeios had actually helped him a bit. It gave him something to focus on that was not his own guilt, for starters. And he really did not want to discover what Apollo would come up with next if Admetus did not clarify things once and for all.

„You know,“ he said slowly, „we never did find out which of us has more patience with the flaws of the other. And since you have now shown me what traits I share with the gods, it seems to me that it is my turn again. Now that Hercules has restored Alcestis to life, I do not know how much time I have left, but I do know I wish to spend it with those I love at my side. And so I ask you to live with us again as a man. After all, you’ve just proven to me there is not so much difference as I had assumed. And I, too, cannot bear the thought of letting you go again.“

The god stepped towards him. But it was the man he held in his arms, and in that moment, for the first time in years, he was at peace again.


End file.
